This little light of mine:-)

So yesterday I thought about writing a blog about my experience at the volunteer project i was involved in, However, between that time and how this blog has actually flowered into something so much more.It is about my own growth and insight that these volunteer projects have awakened within me.

You see I could sit here and write a page about my experiences yesterday, form the loving and warm people that I shared smiles with or the short and sometimes random converstatons we exchanged, but it is what these experiences have awakened within me that holds a deeper connection to the self and it is that deep connection that really truly fills me:-) 

A new Awakening is taking place within, one birthing many new insights and growth and since it is my intention of these blogs to use our precious gift of writing as a tool in expressing my own truth as I live it. I Hope that it is with this expression that it may lead you to your own discoveries, ones that connect you to your own beauty, your own light, your highest and brightest selves:-) For it is only then can we transcend into our oneness. For love starts with self-love.

3/22/09

Firstly just noted date..hmmm...22??:-)

Today one of my earth Angles and very good friend (yes you miss Kalla:-) helped me find peace with my path of being that of my highest potential. It has been extremely hard for me to receive praise  for the work I have been doing lately because somewhere still deep inside is that little girl hiding under the layers of cloth she wrapped herself in to dim her own light.

You see as a child I was raised in and out of fosterhomes, orphanages, woman shelters and my moms random living situations.

***note for mom here cause she reads these:-)...please do not ever put blame on yourselve for what I write for it is largely because of you that i am the woman that I am today and for all the good or bad choices that you have ever made, i wouldn't change a thing and I hope you find peace in that..oh and I love you so damn much!!:-)**

Now back to what I was saying...I had alot of instability in more than just where I would be sleeping that night like where I was getting my love and support from. As a child living in these environments with other children from similar families we collectively looked at the world in scarcity rather than abundance. Believing that if one child was to stand out then there wouldn't be enough attention from the adults figures for the rest.

So being what these other kids saw as a "goodie goodie" which was really just me living in my light, I started to get out-casted from the other children and as a child with an unstable home your friends and peers become your home. So i started to dim my own light, denying my own essence from myself because I couldn't accept their judgements.

it's crazy how we forget these actions we commit, the stories we tell ourselves, the filters we are constantly looking through. Who would have known that these children's actions towards me so long ago, which were really just a place for them to direct their own plain and hurt, could develop into a pattern of self sabotage!

I hope that we will all work in finding that place of love and gratitude for who we are and if there is work to be done on cleaning those old wounds that we do not shy away from it. Be preceptive, notice when we are uncomfortable with something, when we are running away or trying to "fill" what we believe is a void. Let us work together and for each other!

Where ever we are in our lives, However spiritually advanced we may be, there is always room for more growth, more love, more understanding and let it start with ourselves. Let us be present to our projections, let us be present in our actions towards others and let us consciously choose to be our highest most brightest selves so that we may all shine together!!

And in this closing I just wanted to say thank you, thank you to all the amazing people in my life for it is your compliments, your words of praise, that allowed me to come into this place within to become aware of any false beliefs I was carrying so that I can choose to work at letting them go and become fully able and willing to receive all the good in the universe:-)